Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
