next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
