i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
