he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
