that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
