this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize