In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
