plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
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