Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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