She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Randomize
