PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
it's like iHOP with fire
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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