I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
