the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
