Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
