Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
