Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
