This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Randomize
