My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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