Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
