My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
