You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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