if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize