I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
