next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
