Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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