i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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