He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
