I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
