can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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