Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
