Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize