Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
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