There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Panties = found
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
