My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
