It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
