You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
