just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
