i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
