So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
