I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
