I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
