I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
