Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
