she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
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