38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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