I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
