What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
