last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
