I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
