If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
