Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
