This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
My cat gives me a boner
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize