Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
