I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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