did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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