I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
