its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Randomize
