I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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