I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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