I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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