you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
