my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Randomize
