CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
