My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
