i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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