She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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