I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
