Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Randomize