Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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