My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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