still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
