And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize