Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
