the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
