I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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