I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
it's like heaven, but drunker
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
