I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
