Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I understand Curling. That high.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Randomize
