So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Randomize
