ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
