good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
