Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
