wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
