the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
