I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I wannas sexs uuuuu
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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