look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
