No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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