and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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