She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
