he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
And then he peed in my hair
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