I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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