Banned from zoo.
Again?
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Randomize