who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
