I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Pappa wants mamma naked
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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