So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
