Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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