yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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