Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
