She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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