I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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