The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
