as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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