I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
